Tuesday, May 25, 2010


i feel quite a bit less then now. Is this how the end starts out? Anger, mistrust, and doubt. Is this you yelling "I WANT OUT"? i always believe the words you say. i only wish that went both ways. i try to do what's right, believe me. Oh, i forgot those words deceive me. Deceiving. Leaving, is not my answer. i honestly was trying to calm the evening. A little time of quietness i thought might be what's needed to put things right. Wrong. Today. It's a new start. Let's steal some flowers from the park. A new flower, a new.year. A new heart of pain and fear. i hate myself more then ever. i'm sorry i'm not the perfect lover. Or even a decent father. Right? Now i feel like screaming. Stop. You know the meaning. What i wouldn't give to just be dreaming. Clinging. To what once was, to both of us. The nighttime cold that was our friend now feels more and more like sin. Insecurity. Unjustified, i have not lied. i have mine too, i know they don't belong to you. i will no longer feed you my guilt. Stop. No more jokes with hidden meaning. It's just a way to protect my feelings. Stealing. A small smile, hiding myself the whole while. Not unlike a frightened child. i lay awake not knowing how to speak. Or if i could find words would they haunt me? Passion, replaced by silence. Please believe this not my intent. Oh, i forgot. You don't believe me. All my words are without feeling. Then you wonder why i'm silent. i'm thinking, about what i'm seeing. i see the woman i fell in love with when i look at you. i don't know how you don't see her too. I do. True. i'm no beauty. i hope you don't see me differently. i see. Perhaps you do. That's why you think i do too. i don't. Never will. Never blame you for what i do. The air is thick and ever heavy. It's hard to breath, it's hard to remedy. Fix this, i wish i could. I would and will do whatever. Just tell me them, i'll answer your prairs. At least the best i can. i'm only man. At least i try to be. Sorry. Not much of one. Stop.

Monday, February 15, 2010


Standing on top of a hill
from up here i can see all you're thrills
i wish that i was yours to kill
i wish that i had left one last pill

Sleeping under the dark sea
from down here my dreams are as real as can be
i wish that i was yours to please
i wish that i had dropped to one knee

Broken Died

i can not lie to you my love
i'm broken apart by our words
i run and hide from both of us
But not for long i tell birds

i cannot cry on your new life
my screams are wet and died
my face dry cracked and bruised
i hate this song i've lied

my Little Misses

my little misses says
you can't run and you can't fly
i believe it when she says
you can't love if
You expect to die

When i see it in her lies
i'll believe it when she tries
there's nothing left behind closed eyes
my little misses runs and hides


i believe there's a place where we can go
where we'll always be held and never cold
i found this place so long ago
Through the exterior reality of your soul

i live in a world that no one knows
and now it's told that i'm too old
for if you cry my worlds exposed
And it dies so ever slow


Safe haven in a blanket of fears
confusion released by the years
i try to run far away
but it follows me night and day
always on the back of my mind
but my mind's left so far behind
just working my way through the pain
It's no wonder i'm going insane


Bound in by chains of tears
cell walls consisting of mirrors
smiling faces melting to bone
haunting souls freezing to stone
trembling trees fearing the night
but using darkness as their light
subconscious world through a visual thought
mind triggered inspiration that's uncaught
for there are no boundaries limits or rules
i'm uninstitutionalizable