Tuesday, May 25, 2010


i feel quite a bit less then now. Is this how the end starts out? Anger, mistrust, and doubt. Is this you yelling "I WANT OUT"? i always believe the words you say. i only wish that went both ways. i try to do what's right, believe me. Oh, i forgot those words deceive me. Deceiving. Leaving, is not my answer. i honestly was trying to calm the evening. A little time of quietness i thought might be what's needed to put things right. Wrong. Today. It's a new start. Let's steal some flowers from the park. A new flower, a new.year. A new heart of pain and fear. i hate myself more then ever. i'm sorry i'm not the perfect lover. Or even a decent father. Right? Now i feel like screaming. Stop. You know the meaning. What i wouldn't give to just be dreaming. Clinging. To what once was, to both of us. The nighttime cold that was our friend now feels more and more like sin. Insecurity. Unjustified, i have not lied. i have mine too, i know they don't belong to you. i will no longer feed you my guilt. Stop. No more jokes with hidden meaning. It's just a way to protect my feelings. Stealing. A small smile, hiding myself the whole while. Not unlike a frightened child. i lay awake not knowing how to speak. Or if i could find words would they haunt me? Passion, replaced by silence. Please believe this not my intent. Oh, i forgot. You don't believe me. All my words are without feeling. Then you wonder why i'm silent. i'm thinking, about what i'm seeing. i see the woman i fell in love with when i look at you. i don't know how you don't see her too. I do. True. i'm no beauty. i hope you don't see me differently. i see. Perhaps you do. That's why you think i do too. i don't. Never will. Never blame you for what i do. The air is thick and ever heavy. It's hard to breath, it's hard to remedy. Fix this, i wish i could. I would and will do whatever. Just tell me them, i'll answer your prairs. At least the best i can. i'm only man. At least i try to be. Sorry. Not much of one. Stop.